I thank God each day that it was the latter each time, but there was a small concerned voice that echoed in the dark recesses of my consciousness, “how long would ‘the latter’ stay as the chosen path?”
When the gravity of the situation hit…it was in only a brief moment when some of that thick, hovering fog settled. I could finally see and think beyond the present pains and worries. The future was in view again, and the realm of possibilities could now be brought into the forefront of my mind. I used that chance window of time to recognize the situation I was in and begin harnessing the will to live on.
So how did I do that? I began with a seemingly small thing…a hot shower.
Sometimes I think we underestimate the purifying and cleansing power of a shower…not so much a bath, but a shower. The feeling of the water washing everything away created clarity and a sense of ease in my mind. It didn’t erase everything, but it did help me to feel a bit lighter.
I leveraged this feeling to reconnect with my inner self, going back to the things that made me feel…free and alive. I went back to creating. I used different outlets to express my inner world like being out in nature more, writing, spoken word, video editing, music, dance, and through that I was able to rebuild my connection to the world around me.
As I rebuilt that connection, I was able to refocus my efforts better on a few of my priorities that required productivity, and even found ways to integrate my creative energies into those priorities. And don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t necessarily smooth sailing from there. I still find times where I slip back. However, my cycle of salvation became a routine of cleansing and re-connecting, and eventually that cycle gave me the strength and courage needed to seek out therapy, the next step of the journey.
Ray of JoKay 