Imagine before you wake up to your day, and you have the thought “why can’t the day just be over so I don’t have to get up.” You’re unable to shake the feeling of being able to sleep in any longer. There’s a growing anxiety of having to rush to make it to work in time that quickly takes over, along with all the other possible consequences of sleeping in a few minutes on a work day that flicker through your mind. You try to control your breathing and begin to give yourself a pep talk in your mind, “you can do this ___[your name]___, you can do this___[your name]___.” In efforts to stave off that anxiety, you finally creak open your eyes, waking up to a sunlit room and a deafening silence. A weighted numbness begins to overtake your mind, body and spirit. You sit up in your bed, seeing the tiny specks of sunlight trying to stream through your window blinds. You then begin to feel a small pang of guilt… “it’s such a nice day…feels like such a waste to feel this way.” And closely behind those thoughts comes the desire of emotional alignment— “why can’t the weather mirror how I feel, at least then I wouldn’t need to fight against it so much…” You don’t feel what the day is making you to feel, but you decide to let those thoughts go for the moment.
You let out a huge breath, in efforts to ease out the tension within your body. You finally swing your legs over the edge of your bed to get up, soon slipping each foot into each of your slippers. As you begin to balance yourself out of bed, you’re then met with aches deeply felt all around your body—your feet, your legs, your lower back, your shoulders, aches you can’t remember getting the previous day.
This is your morning, but it isn’t just one morning. This has been your morning routine for the last several weeks now.
“And you know what…this has also been a routine I’ve had as well. Not just once, but at various points of my adult life.”
This is a small snapshot into the battle grounds of depression
Ray of JoKay 