On a regular day, your thoughts can be your worst enemy, but while in a depressive state they can take you down to places you thought you NEVER could or would EVER venture into.
But that’s the thing, you never really know until you are living it yourself. Anyone of us could live this at any point of our lives, pushed to that point by a variety of factors in life.
There are times where your last thoughts before drifting off to sleep would be of “how nice it would be for it all to be over…no more worry, stress, aching…” Other times, your last thoughts would be of the closet in the hallway of your apartment, thinking about what was behind it. That tucked away in a cardboard box was a small dissection tool kit from college that lay ignored and forgotten until now. The thought of feeling one of those tools gliding over your skin begins to slowly creep into your mind, leaving the door open for more dark thoughts to be welcomed in. Thoughts of “what would it feel like,” “what would it look like,” and “would the pain felt be sharp and brief or a searing and lingering,” began to cycle over and over, as you contemplate back and forth between getting up to explore those curiosities and giving in to the heaviness in your body that always lulls you to sleep.
“For some, that’s where those thoughts end.
For others…they’re fortunate to find a way to push past them.”
For you, today is not your last.
Ray of JoKay 